Hoping my experience of mentoring may be paid forward through something like this!
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The chapter Connecting in How Remarkable Women Lead threw up some challenges for me. I'd always though of myself as a good connector, in that I place value, and therefore time and energy, on building relationships and nurturing friends (in the best way I know how - not saying I am perfect at it) is something I work hard at. As I read the chapter though, it was clear that there was an element of connection that was absent from my life - that of people from whom I draw energy, support and wisdom from in my professional life in a formal way.
At first, this made me really uncomfortable. I don't like asking favours of others and I like relationships to be reciprocal - so the concept of a mentor felt too one way for me. However, reading more about mentoring, the benefits for both parties as well as how it belongs to the pay-it-forward model I believe in, I began to rethink. I also began to feel that the act of 'taking' from others would actually be good for me too, as life is give and take. So, in February, when I began a process of finding my 'what next', I set out to find myself a mentor, someone who could help m develop and have a positive impact. I brazenly approached a woman who I had only once met before, but who a) energised and inspired me by who she was in that meeting and b) whose career path and job also inspired me and made me think if or how I might make similar moves. To my delight she agreed. All other things being equal (talent, education, drive), we now saw it is the centred man or woman who sustains a successful leadership journey. These leaders thrive when things go well and adapt to significant change without losing their way, because they are centered. Not just emotionally but also intellectually, socially and physically. A strong core gave our women leaders the courage to embrace new situations and adapt, to learn. A strong core helped them preserve and build physical energy. And the confidence that comes from a core belief in who you are and what is meaningful to you made them more open. They could listen to their social instincts. What's more, they liked themselves. Since reading How Remarkable Women Lead, my journey has been focused on developing the 'centredness' that the book describes in its introduction and then lays out a road map for. I have read and reread the book, as well as other books referenced in the text, making notes on what I need to do to develop a strong core, preserve and build social, emotional, physical and intellectual energy and thrive.
I've been reading How Remarkable Women Lead, which is about the idea of centered leadership, which can be described as follows:
All other things being equal (talent, education, drive), we now saw it is the centred man or woman who sustains a successful leadership journey. These leaders thrive when things go well and adapt to significant change without losing their way, because they are centered. Not just emotionally but also intellectually, socially and physically. A strong core gave our women leaders the courage to embrace new situations and adapt, to learn. A strong core helped them preserve and build physical energy. And the confidence that comes from a core belief in who you are and what is meaningful to you made them more open. They could listen to their social instincts. What's more, they liked themselves. Sure, they took wrong turns, made mistakes. But still they were happy. While reading Chapter 1, which talks about meaning, as in finding what engages you, gives you energy and passion, this passage made me stop and think. Many women set out, traveling down academic and career paths, only to discover meaningful work after more than a few turns in the road. The zigs and zags may seem inefficient. Things are not always what they seem. In most cases, women leaders recall that these zigs taught self-awareness and those zags led them down paths to skills and experiences that opened a door. It was not time wasted. It was their time for discovering what they loved and learning new capabilities. As I read this, it made me think of my own journey in the last few years. I've been trying to articulate for a while what the last few years have done for me. Having gone into teaching with a clear idea of what motivated and inspired me, within three years, I was disillusioned, de-energized and most of all, felt like my purpose had been extinguished. So I did something that at the time, and in the eyes of others, felt like giving up. I quit. But I look back now and see that I was not quitting. I was giving myself the space and time to embark on the zigs and zags. At the time it was terrifying as I stepped off a path that had rules and routines and embarked on a journey on which I have had to make my own rules and on which there has at times been little of the security I usually crave. There have been many occasions in the last three years when I have just longed for structure and regularity and doubted myself and my decisions. This has been particulary true recently, as I have been thinking about what is next and worrying that people might dismiss the experiences I've built up because they don't fit into the conventions people might expect. But as I read this passage, I realized it described my experience perfectly. The choices and decisions I've made in the last three years, and the experiences I have immersed myself in, have led me to new levels of self-awareness, discovery, skill and capability, both professionally and personally. On a personal level, I've learned more about what I really believe in and that pursuing that is more important to me than pursuing conventional representations of success. I've also developed a confidence in my own ability to create opportunities, make things happen, and be an agent of change for myself and others, which has come out of my courage to do things differently. As they say, courage is not an absence of fear, but acting despite the fear. On a professional level, I've been able to engage in a broad range of experiences which have helped me clarify what really matters to me and reignited my passion for what I do. I'm not at the end of my journey, and not even sure what is next, but I do know the last three years has been time well spent. It's been time helping me center myself. Some time ago, my inspirational and phenomenal sister sent me an article entitled Centred Leadership: how talented women thrive. It was written by three women who, interested in why there still exists such a dearth of women in leadership, have been researching what drives and sustains successful female learners. From their research, they developed a leadership model comprising of 5 broad and interrelated dimensions:
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